The horror that was graduation on the Diag

Now we've read what some members of the People's Republic of Ann Arbor, and it's secret society, The University of Michigan had to say about graduation, that it was PERFECT. Everything was without flaw. But what happens when you move beyond the party line? Johnny was there, and snuck away from his official U-M handlers and this is what he really found and what the oppressed were really saying:

*Rats, weasels, and wombats running amok on campus, under the folding chairs and around buildings
*Thousands of crows, toucans and screech owls in all the trees disrupting the PA system
*Young toughs collecting protection money on the shuttle busses
*Trash bins overflowing with caps, gowns and sequines

"It was awful" said Janice Peavey, LS&A Grad, "a weasel bit my grandma"
"A toucan flew down, grabbed my diploma and flew away" said Dakota Hillman, another LS&A grad
"I spent thousands on my son's education" said Mrs. Candy Rhodes, "and look at this, the wombats are shitting everywhere".
"There is nowhere to play hacky sack on this stupid campus today" said Moonbeam Greenie

Well, Huron Valley, as you can clearly see, the claims of a wonderful and flawless graduation are much hooey. There were real people getting attacked by real weasels, and that's too bad considering St. Harkema led the weasels out of Ypsilanti in the late 1980's.

Jusy sayin'

Actual photo of rabid Diag weasel waiting to claim another victim