Welcome back to all the good boys and girls on behalf of all us homeowners, renters and property owners. He hope you had a swell summer. The Ypsi City Desk felt a refresher on YOUR responsibilities when it comes to drinking and travelling through our spacious tree lined neighborhoods was in order.
Us neighborhood folk have a long history of a pretty good relationship with you thus far and if you can remember these time tested tips, it'll continue that way.
OK, you've been drinking and you need to use a restroom. FIND A RESTROOM. Our lawns are not public toilets, think about this before you leave the party and or the bar. If you decide to use our trees and or homes or front or back yards as your public toilet, understand the city police may be driving by you at any time. It's a common courtesy.
You've had a bit more to drink a little later in the evening and you're walking through a neighborhood when the urge comes over you and your friends to recite, all together, the Ezekiel 25:17 passage from Pulp Fiction. FINE, just keep walking while you 'strike down upon thee'.
If you have an extra 100-150$ in towing fees by all means park in our driveways.
Malicious damage to property, plants, gardens, porches, and cars will result in the Ypsi police inviting you to ride in one of their spacious cruisers. It may also result in an ass kicking. Remember, you're DRUNK, we're ANGRY, BIG difference.
Passing out drunk in our yards LEGALLY requires us to mess with you. It does. Sprinklers are a time tested and true method. Cliche yes but then it wouldn't be cliche if it wasn't so darned effective. A new trend last year was your passed out forehead and our black magic markers. We'll see if it was a fad or if it'll catch on. Of course you are fair game for any image capturing and or video taping. Pass out and wet yourself then you might as well start looking for yourself on YouTube the next day, Yeah, it's juvenile but so is passing out drunk on a strangers front lawn.
You keep things respectful and we won't call the cops on you who in turn won't call the University on you who in turn won't call your parents on you. See how that works? Simple really.
Look, have a good time, party, have fun but be respectful and we'll all be happier.
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