Migrant workers have seen a bear, suspected by the DNR to be a male black bear nosing through Manchester and south of Chelsea. This demands our immediate attention. Can you imagine a black bear attacking good citizens at the Ypsi high football games? Ypsilanti and Ann Arbor must prepare now, this bear is but the first man eater (and that flying giant cat head hasn't eaten anyone yet we KNOW OF) of many to come.
Local residents are advised to carry bear spray and be on the lookout. Remember, if you and your friends are confronted by these heinous beasts, you don't have to be faster than the bear, you merely need to be faster than your slowest friend.