A woman, asking not to be named reported a GIANT SPACE CAT HEAD last night setting upon her Toyota Camry (go cat go) as she travelled just north of Ypsilanti. She said the cat hit her Camry (again, go cat go) several times with it's laser eyes making a hash out of her hood and front headlamps. The evil space Kitteh then followed her as far as the Huron View apartment complex at Green Rd before turning and heading down the river. Ypsilanti police had no comment to YCD this morning.
People, here it is yet again and it's becoming more dangerous. We MUST (well YOU must, Johnny's leaving) draw this cat into the Cross Street area near the Tower where it's secret deathray can be used on this cat head. The fate of our fair city rests in the balance. How many must die before we as a community act?